Yesterday, I set a few goals to accomplish this weekend.  
Here is my progress so far...

1. shower (even blew dry my hair!)


2. put on some lip gloss (did this twice!)


3. wear jeans (only for a few hours)


I am headed to the pediatrician yet again for my younger daughter (the one who had pneumonia a few weeks ago).  She spiked a fever yesterday and it was pretty high when she woke up today.  

I have not yet done anything that I would count as exercise.  If all else fails, I will go on the exercise bike.  I just need to get my husband to change the batteries so it actually has some resistance.

I was off this week for mid-winter break.  I have spent the days driving my munchkins to and from preschool, eating clearance Valentine's Day candy, contemplating how awful I am for not exercising in over a week, and feeling all around melancholy.  

It is pretty hard to believe that I have some glimmer of hope at to prospect of going back to work on Monday.  Don't get me wrong...living in sweats and spending time with my girls is wonderful.  I have much regret over not being a stay at home mom.  The regularity of my work schedule and the need to dress up, wear makeup and do my hair is something I seem to need for my sanity.  For some reason, I can not bring myself to do these things unless I have somewhere "real" to go. 
 
The realization that I do not know how to relax is settling in.  I mean, to take it easy takes effort on my part.  I have to consciously think about relaxing and that seems to defeat the purpose on some level.  

I think I need to dust myself off and get back on the bandwagon of my exercise routine and making some kind of effort with my appearance this weekend.  Maybe if I put it out in cyberspace, I will be more likely to follow through.  

Before this weekend is over, I will shower, put on some lip gloss, wear jeans, and do some form of exercise.

 

I have been a stranger for the past week...adjusting to being back at work.  Between snow days and sick children, it had been quite a while since I worked a full week.  

A much needed mention of positivity: I did not do my weekly try-on of clothing last night which really helped keep my spirits up.  Progress, not perfection is my goal so I refuse to beat myself up for not measuring up.

As a married, mother of two, Valentine's Day is a family affair.  The days leading up are spent selecting the perfect cards for my daughters' preschool friends, special snacks to send to school and deciding which red top I will wear to work.  

This was my first V-Day teaching younger children and boy, do they pull out all the stops!  I went home with a bundle of cards and candy from my sweet students.  I was so surprised and it really made me feel appreciated.  Their little faces light up when they present their treats to the teacher.

Valentine's Day was something I dreaded as a teen and young adult.  It always felt like a day set aside to make unpopular people feel even more like losers...to really focus on my lack of a social and dating life.  Now, I take out my resentments from Valentine's gone by on my husband who is a complete last minute Nelly about getting presents for the occasion...as if he is supposed to dazzle me and make up for the years of let-downs.  

My husband did show some thought this year by getting flowers for my girls and I and chocolate covered strawberries.  I guess he figured having some fruit in there would make me skip the self-loathing after eating them.  He can be thoughtful from time to time.  

My present each year is cooking a special meal for my husband and a card.  This year, I made roast beef with a bunch of sides and sliced strawberries for dessert.  This would have been a wonderful evening had my husband not, yet again, come home late from work.  Instead of the special meal I planned, we ate brick meat beef with soggy sides.     

How did you spend your Valentine's Day?  It's not over yet so even if you don't have a "Valentine", I am a firm believer in treating yourself.  Why wait around for someone else to?  Get your nails done, cook a nice meal, take a nice bath, etc.  You deserve it! 

Sunday nights, I usually try on clothes I haven't worn in a while to get them back in to circulation in my wardrobe.  This task also gives me an idea of what I will wear during the days ahead.  As helpful as this can be, it has been quite a downer in recent months as I have been steadily gaining weight.

Not sure if I have shared my weight journey so here is the abbreviated version...

• battled weight all of my life
• lost 100 pounds by severely restricting food intake/choices and a 12 step program
• started antidepressants for depression/anxiety and gained 15+ pounds quickly
• stopped meds but felt worse than before so went back on...they work, what can I say
• have continued to gain and petrified to get on scale
• went from a size 24 (roughly 260lbs) to a 12
• currently a 16 heading to an 18
• less restricted in foods but haven't binged in two years (definite victory)

Two c-sections later and a whole lot of roller-coaster dieting, my body does not bounce back like it once did.  Being this size is so different than the past because I am a loose, jiggly mess.  My tummy droops and is lumpy under clothes.  This is doing a number on my already low confidence.

I am still ahead of the game in terms of weight loss and have been trying to focus on self acceptance rather than size or the scale.  I exercise regularly and eat a healthy variety of foods.  The problem is I cannot keep buying the next size up!  I just don't know what to do...

How do you approach clothes getting tight?  Weight maintenance?
I am the only plus size gal out of my social circle.  Feel free to comment as I could really use so insight. 

 

Everyone in my house is sick, again.  This time, it has progressed from colds and flu to pneumonia and sinus infections.  

On to more positive topics like spring clothes shopping.  I got a rewards coupon for my Old Navy card today and it is, of course, burning a hole in my wallet.  The only problem is that neither Gap nor Old Navy seem to have any promo codes floating around cyber space today.  Such a let down.  

I know that if I place an order today, I will check my email tomorrow only to find some amazing discount going on.  This seems to happen without fail if I dare shop without a coupon.  

So, while I wait for a promo (feel free to email if you have one), these are the items I have in my cart:

 

• The green, lace trim cami is to go with a Lane Bryant shrug I purchased recently.  The cami LB has to match is sold out in my size and at $26.50, far too expensive for a cami in my opinion.

• The grey crops are a great bargain and given I have no crops that fit me for spring, a necessary purchase.

• The striped top is from the Gap and an amazing bargain.  I thought maybe it could go with the mixed media necklace with tan pants or denim trousers.  The top got great reviews so hopefully I will be able to order it before it sells out.

• The pink cardi and purple dress are cute basics to lighten up my wardrobe for the warm weather.  They also both go nicely with the scarf. 

• The last top is for my daughter.  So cute, right?  

The manner in which women are viewed and portrayed in society is something that hits close to home.  I am so excited about this amazing campaign for women happening in the UK.  

In an attempt to "raise awareness of body image issues", bloggers are asking for women to speak out about diversifying the image portrayed in the media of women.  They suggest specifically the importance of our "imperfections" in making us who we are as individuals, and we are beautifully made.  

Disabilities, height, weight, race, etc. are things that make people unique.  We need to celebrate these differences rather than comparing ourselves to the media's image of "perfection" and feeling shame and despair that we never measure up.

For more information, visit British Style Bloggers or Nature Made Us Beautiful. 

My Amazon book order came the other day and I have been reading Lessons From the Fat-O-Sphere whenever I have a chance.  I am only a few chapters in and already am so impressed by the data used to support the authors' stance on healthy living and acceptance of self.  

I sure hope my changing perspective sticks with me.  It would be so wonderful to move on from the perfectionism and never good enough mind-set I have been burdened with.

Lesson of the day, this book is a great read!  I had no idea they had another book.  I will definitely have to put this one on my list of books to order. 

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all...

This Friday, February 4th, is National Wear Red Day to raise awareness of heart disease.  One of my fellow bloggers has suggested wearing red every Friday during the month of February.  

What a wonderful idea to celebrate women and raise awareness for this important and very worthy cause.  I am definitely on board!  I may not be able to wear a lot of red every Friday but using accessories is a great way to be a part without wearing the same red sweater all month ; )